Colonoscopy #4

It’s like the name for a work of art, or a musical composition. And I’d never noticed how “o” heavy it is. That word has four “o”s. And eleven letters, so you’d have to be pretty lucky to build that word in multiple turns at Scrabble.

Anyway.

Night before the big game girls! Let’s make it four straight. Reeeady, Okay! Only one more year and I can apply for individual health insurance again.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves, shall we? Let’s just get through this one.

Let’s just reflect.

Because it’s not so much a matter of positive or negative results…well it partly is. But it’s a matter of accessing whether I have been using my time wisely, living my live fully yada yada ya. Sorry, two hours of sleep last night, no food today. Just lots and lots of salty liquids.

I think I have been. I’ve been trying. To live my fully that is. If you had one week to live, what would you do? One month? One year? Maybe one year but maybe ten? Ahh, that’s where it gets harder. If it’s one year, well I should definitely blow off more Old English homework. But if it’s ten or more, I could maybe finish a PhD. Might be fun. Something to do. So I could invest much more time and have a bigger, better project. But if it’s only year, will I regret neglecting other things in deference to an investment that only pays off in the future? The trick is to have a balanced portfolio. A few high-risk stocks, and then some mutual funds for the long term. If the market should take a dive tomorrow, would watching eight back-to-back episodes of Veronica Mars this evening be considered loss or gain? Conventional wisdom would not consider being curled on the couch watching TV to living life that fully. It’s not adventurous, or spontaneous. But sometime it’s exactly what you want to do. Escape living so fully.

I don’t want to travel around the world right now. I’ve done it. You have to pack for too many different scenarios and then deal with luggage the whole time. I like school. I would only want to be where Paul was, and I would only want him to be doing something he really wants to do. Film School, Creative Writing Program. We won the lottery… not in the genetically based statistical chances for having cancer kind of way, but in some other ways, definitely.

I can sleep now.

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