On Friday, I received an email from the English department at FSU that my thesis from 2008 had been given a departmental honor. This bit of affirmation comes at a good time for me, as I feel a bit flailing in my current writing endeavors. Thinking back, I can recall that most of the spring and summer I worked on my thesis was also a bit tortuous, at yet it seems quite distant now. So it gives support to the idea that creation, and evolution of skill, is, for me at least, the process of slowly but persistently crawling forward.
Breaking Bad. A TV series on AMC created by Vince Gilligan, who came to speak to us last semester. The show is itself is not bad, but my instant addiction to it certainly is. I discovered it on Friday, and now, on Sunday, the house is a complete sty, my screenplay has progressed very little, I’m a bit sleep deprived, and I’ve neglected family and friends who I might have contacted with the free time I apparently had this weekend. Fortunately, I’ve been watching on a website that only lets you watch episodes for 74 minutes before cutting you off. You have to wait 54 minutes before logging in again. I believe this timing is designed to make you want to get a paid subscription, but for me this would mark a death knell. That enforced cut-off is the only thing keeping me quasi functional. At this moment, as I write this, it is all I can do not to switch windows and finish an episode I started last night, but I’m not letting myself until after I finish this post. Note the extent of my demise, I have to reward myself for blogging.
Ballet class. The class itself of course is not ugly, but the experience of taking a ballet class after 25 years away from the bar..it ain’t pretty. In a fit of self-loathing yesterday about 4pm, (which coincided of course with a video cut-off), I doffed my pajamas (no really, I didn’t, I’ve finally found some lounge pants that could be worn outside, so that I never really have to take off my pajamas, but I did put a bra on under my T-shirt), and decided to check out the dance studios within walking distance. I had not really eaten, not intending to actually take a class, but when i arrived at the second studio, a class happened to be starting. The teacher, a white haired Russian (I think), came over and said. “Wvat do you need here?” I said I was thinking about taking a class. And he said, “This is a class. Do you want to take it?”
At one point during the bar-work, he came by, knocked my ar further and the air and adjusted my upper body, saying “There is no vitality!” Which I have to say, I completely agree with. Most of the time in my life, I feel, not like I lack energy–but that I lack vitality. So this really struck a chord. He also said, “This class is good for you, we can fix the shape of your body.” Now, I could get offended, and say the shape of my body does not need fixing, but in truth, it could use some help. I’m lucky that I can fit into most of my clothes, but in truth, the body I am in is not exactly right for me. In my sense memory somewhere, I have a feeling of having known my body better in the past, of it being more connected, if that makes any sense…
By the time the bar work ended, the black spots were closing in, and I had to do the embarrassing thing of sitting out for the floor work…That by the way, was the “beginners” class. But at the end, he invited me to the “Basic Beginners” class which met this morning, and I managed to show up and make it through the class…so that’s something.