This year, for the first time, I actually forgot my cancerversary, maybe because I was in Indiana visiting my mom. My cancer diagnosis was a few days after Thanksgiving, and my surgery was December 4th or 5th. I was in intensive care for a day or two–the time is blurry. But I always remember waking up in a regular hospital room on December 6, with a bunch of helium balloons knocking up against the ceiling beside my bed.
I didn’t remember until a couple days ago, when it dawned on me that, “wow, I haven’t thought about it at all–and I don’t feel sad.” Once I remembered though, the next morning, I did wake up sad–and although I have done a lot of socializing, the feeling has lingered for a few days. I wouldn’t mind much, except for my other obligations.–I would actually prefer to have a little more time to spend with the sad–it is all the engagements on my calendar that require more force of will.