Things that Might Happen, or Not, Make Me Anxious

So there’s this thing I want to happen, that has a chance of happening, but that also has a chance of not happening. Dread of it not happening leaves a big anxious ball in my sternum.  The moment that it does happen, if it does, the big anxious ball will remain because I also fear failing at the thing that might happen, which would feel even worse than not having it happen to begin with.

Also, my new fiction class starts tonight.  A writing class with Janet Fitch, whose name might seem familiar to you because she wrote White Oleander the book, which has been made into White Oleander the film, and also  Paint It Black, which I have just started.  The class is reportedly much work, so while I am not anxious about it happening or not, because the likelihood is great of it happening, and even it were not to happen I would not be the cause of that–I do still harbor the fear of failing…or perhaps more precisely, the fear of falling short.

I hear however, that she will insist upon more descriptive language than what I have used here, so you might soon hear about this in terms that make some sense.

 

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