Welp, I’ve let a couple months go by without posting, and now enough has happened that it’s difficult to pick any one thing to talk about, so I guess I’ll just ramble and see what comes out.
Right now, Paul and I are babysitting for our three and a half year old nephew. It’s a fun age to spend time with kids because they tend to be very loving and enthusiastic about the familiar adults in their lives. But it’s also an age where they demand lot of attention. Today’s original plan was to arrive around 6pm, and our assumption was that we’d eat and play and nephew would stay up an extra hour or so (that was a big deal when I was a kid!), and be asleep around 8:30ish. My original plan had been to work on one of my current gigs —story for a digital comic— for a couple hours in the afternoon, and then a couple more after nephew went to bed.
It turned out we actually needed to come earlier —around 3pm. When we got there, my brother-in-law informed us, that because it was special baby-sitter night, there were no rules! Our nephew had permission to watch TV or play as late as he wanted, etc… and they had let him have an extra long nap in preparation.
I’m sure you see where this is going…
At 3pm, our nephew was literally shrieking in excitement at our arrival. He couldn’t wait to show us his new plastic black widow spider.
Eight hours later, we’ve played about a hundred games that involve hiding the spider, going for walks with the spider, building a cushion cave for the spider, playing “the floor is lava” with the spider. My nephew informed me at one point that the spider has “had a very good day.” It’s going on 11pm now, and I can report that while the spider’s battery seems to be depleting, my nephew’s energy is unflagging. Right now, he and Paul and the spider are watching You-tube videos set to repetitive carnival-like music and I’m stealing some laptop time to write this and send grateful thoughts and psychic reinforcement to all parents, teachers and childcare providers in the world… (more tomorrow).
Fewer people are familiar with Lynch Syndrome, which causes a predisposition to a number of cancers — primarily in the abdominal region — and is comprised of mutations to a handful of genes that mostly start with or contain the letter “M”, like MLH1, MSH2, MSH6, as well as PMS2 and EPCAM. These genes are involved in a process called mismatch repair. According to the Dana Farber Cancer Institute, they “act like spellcheckers to find and correct the “typos” made in the gene copying process.” When the typos don’t get fixed, the mistakes can replicate and accumulate more and over time this can cause cancer.
Growing up, my father was diagnosed with cancer several times, and we just assumed he was very unlucky. But then, in 2003, I was diagnosed with colon cancer at an unexpectedly early age. After a surgery removing half of my colon, the doctors sent my tumor to a genetics lab where they discovered a MSH2 mutation. Then they tested my father’s blood, and found the same mutation. That’s when we learned we both had “hereditary non-polyposis colorectal cancer (HNPCC),” also known as Lynch Syndrome. Depending on which genes are affected, people with Lynch Syndrome have a higher risk than the general population of getting certain cancers:
Lynch syndrome (MSH2)
Up to 1.7%
These are statistics for MSH2, which pertains to me. I took it from this more complete chart by the Jackson Laboratory.
After my first diagnosis, I made lifestyle changes to improve the risk factors that I could control. I stopped drinking alcohol, eliminated or cut down on meat and sugar while increasing my vegetable intake, re-committed to yoga and meditated to keep my cortisol levels down. Maintaining this lifestyle while returning to grad school wasn’t always easy, especially in Los Angeles, where socializing and networking is “part of the job.” When I graduated from Screenwriting school in 2011, I got an offer to be a writers PA on a television show where I’d been interning—a dream scenario, except the job didn’t have health insurance, and pre-ACA, there was no individual coverage for someone with my history. It was hard to pass up that job, and I’ve often wondered how different my career might be now if I had been able to take it…
But I made the practical choice, and, as it happened, having health insurance soon came in handy. In 2012 I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer and my uterus was removed.
Then, after was nine fairly peaceful years, last October (2021), a scan revealed colon cancer. Again. It felt kind of like getting struck by lightening twice. What are the chances? Turns out, with Lynch Syndrome, they’re pretty high.
Estimates say that about a million people in the United States have Lynch, but that 95% of them don’t know their status. If you have questions about Lynch Syndrome, you can check out the websites of advocacy groups like Lynch Syndrome International, AliveAndKickn.org and FORCE. They are a good source of information as well as encouragement. Many people with Lynch live long and full lives!
(This is a kind of nuts-and-bolts rundown. If you’d like to read a longer essay with more personal and philosophical thoughts, you can check out something I wrote for The Colorado Review awhile back called “Luck, Statistics, Magic.”)
Things to be grateful for this (and every!) year: For the warm snoring bodies of the people we love next to us in the bed. For daily walks past people’s yards landscaped with strange desert flowers. For breathing clean air. For rainy days and cars that run. For creative impulses, and the time and ability to pursue them. For family, friends, and random moments of beauty shared with strangers. For sudden trips to far-off places. For the continuation of life.
2021 in a Nutshell:
⬆ B got to see old friends in Indiana.
⬆ We both got to see friends again in Los Angeles.
⬆ B took a trip to Argentina – it’s on a whole other CONTINENT, ya’ll!
⬇Paul had his gall bladder removed – it was stressful…
⬆ …but now he can eat Panda Express orange-flavored chicken again.
⬇Some household-maintenance issues that were not fun or short or cheap.
⬆B joined some writing groups and loved having an online writing community.
⬆Paul was happy to go back to live board game groups, and recordings for his podcast group.
⬆B achieved a 265-day Duolingo streak. (Como se llama at me, baby, I’m ready!)
⬆Americanish, which Paul produced, won prizes at almost every festival where they played!
⬇Nobody sold a script or got a job in a writers room.
⬇ Some health stuff that we’ll talk about in a minute…
Some Stuff We’ll Do in 2022!
Exploring UX Writing and Content Design as a career path. No idea what this is? Doesn’t matter, just say “something with computers.” The exciting thing for me is that the more I research, the more I’m finding that the many jobs and side-hustles I’ve juggled over the years have all been training me for a job in this field. Seriously, I might be The Karate Kidof UX Writing!
I’m also committed to some Kondo-level decluttering this year, in my physical space and beyond.
After threatening to start his own podcast for most of 2021, he says that 2022 could be the year he pulls the trigger! Two potential titles are: Five Ticket Ride (there’s a story behind this one)and Paul Saves the World… featuring Patrick. (I’m assuming his friend Patrick is his partner in crime on this.)
He’s keeping the faith for his various film projects breaking through, looking forward to the pandemic actually being over, visiting friends, traveling and, of course, winning the lottery.
Dumb Health Stuff I Don’t Want To Write
No one knows every hurdle a new year might bring, but in our case, the first one is already up to bat. In October, I received a cancer diagnosis. It’s colon cancer, like once before in the past, but smaller. Really, so much smaller. It isn’t life-threatening, but there are varied opinions regarding what amount of surgical intervention will be necessary to remove it. If you know me, you know that in addition to jumping through the traditional medical hoops of doctors, second opinions, etc., I’m also doing all the things like veggie juice, supplements, no-sugar, meditation, etc.
I am gratefully accepting prayers, healing thoughts, good vibes and any and all assorted types of woo-woo energy. If you need a mantra or something to manifest, try the phrase: stage R-zero.
If that’s too short, you can add: and Paul wins the lottery! (This letter has been edited by Paul.)
Quick Wrap Up
That about wraps up 2021. Despite a few things that didn’t turn out as awesome as we hoped, we really did have a lot of fun times this year. Here’s a picture to show you that we’re still standing:
Sending lots of love and affection and our very best wishes for 2022,
Wait… Did I send a 2019 update? I did not. I started (in my head at least), but so much was happening at the end of 2019 that I put it off, figuring I’d finish it once everything got “back to normal” in 2020.
To which 2020 said:
😂😂😂😂 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA 😂😂😂😂
While I didn’t finish an update letter in 2019 because life was frenetic, the true-true is that even before the frenzy hit the fan, I was having trouble figuring out what to write. Though I’m a fan of “honest” holiday letters, no one needs a depressing whine-fest, and coming to the end of 2019, I was more than disheartened. Events and circumstances during the year had led to a loss of faith in people, in the universe and in myself.
What were these events that led to my year-end funk? I don’t remember. Looking back, it’s all a blur. So, I guess a silver lining of 2020 is that it has pretty much obliterated my recall of 2019.
Which brings me to the inspiration for this update: Silver Linings. Winning out over topics like Year-End Podcast Lists, Great Books and TV, and Even More About Writing, I offer a small sampler platter of bright spots and blessings.*
JANUARY: Paul and I got the opportunity to go to Gainesville, Florida and teach film classes for the spring semester at University of Florida! Two days before leaving Los Angeles, our Florida housing plans fell through (thanks again, 2019!). When we arrived, Paul’s friend, Iman, and her family opened their home to us and hosted us for a month, sharing rides and meals and stories and downtime in front of the TV. I think my favorite form of getting to know people better is simply co-existing in their environment, which made this detour in our plans a gift.
MARCH / APRIL: In early March, the pandemic lockdowns began. While the best timing for a pandemic would have been never, the second best timing, for me, was when it happened. After a precarious 2019, a semester-long gig felt stable, and teaching 3 three-hour classes a week offered structure. I had the distractions of deadlines aplenty, learning new technologies, and students who were depending on me. All of this meant my existential angst was supplanted by a more fun “race to the finish line of this project” anxiety. At the same time, friends Matt and Dmitry started a War and Peace Covid-19 challenge, with a goal of reading 50 pages every day. With the gyms closed, I listened to War and Peace on audiobook as I went on walks in the mornings and evenings. I didn’t always meet the page quota, but it was a simple pleasure and a perfect distraction– and now I’ve read War and Peace!
MAY/ JUNE: We’d been back in Los Angeles a few weeks when the killing of George Floyd and other injustices prompted the Black Lives Matter protests. During this time, a friend, Beto, proposed an “anti-racist bookclub.” He and his friends did the work of planning, organizing and facilitating a group with clear intentions and dynamics. Over the last six months, I’ve benefited from their insightful company while reading the works of bell hooks, Audre Lorde, James Baldwin, Ibram Kendi and others. In parallel, old friends Kendall and Annie nudged me to join their book club just in time to embark on Howard Zinn’s 800-page A People’s History of the United States. Throughout my life, especially during pivotal times, certain books have helped me, prepared me, gifted me with new perspectives and a clearer vision of the world — and this year’s reading experience falls in that category.
SEPTEMBER The fires in California turned the skies to smoky haze, and then orange. For days we avoided going outdoors and felt unsafe breathing the air even inside. We felt fortunate that our neighborhood was never in jeopardy, just as people everywhere feel lucky when disasters seem to be happening elsewhere. The other silver lining is that the fires added urgency to my growing feeling that, in the face of our social and environmental issues, it is not enough for me to simply be unobjectionable. Writing postcards, and phone banking for democratic candidates were steps too long delayed, but ones that have started me down a path of greater engagement. I owe thanks to folks (Megan, Caitlyn, Tracy) who made themselves vocal and visible on social media, offering instructions and opportunities that made it easier for people like me to become more a part of our political process.
NOVEMBER / DECEMBER Amidst health concerns for the world, these two months were touched by family health concerns. November began with my mother’s knee replacement, ended with news my uncle had suffered a stroke, and in between, Paul experienced a painful bout of pancreatitis that was traced to some gallstones. Though travel to Indiana and then Texas during a pandemic had not been part of our plans, I appreciated more than ever the opportunity to be with loved ones, under any circumstances, and am happy and relieved to report that everyone is on the road to recovery.
And these most recent events have reminded me how, even with the world’s myriad problems, these are — as Paul Simon sings — days of miracle and wonder. Knees are replaced, helicopters airlift you from tiny towns in Texas, machines scan inside you and tell you what’s wrong, information and our own images zip and Zoom around the world in an instant— and scientists create vaccines that can help our cells fight (electron) microscopic viruses.
I don’t want to place too great a pressure on 2021 — January 1st will not be the day we arrive at the light at the end of the tunnel. But I do think we can see it from here, and that we have the opportunity to make the tunnel itself a little brighter and easier to travel with the light we carry with us. So, with lots of love and good wishes, here’s to a —
* A few disclaimers: 1) The overarching fact that we are healthy, we are housed, we are together… those alone mean it has been a great year. 2) This list leaves out so many moments and people, of course. My thank you list would be longer than at any Oscars speech. 3) Several of my silver linings exist against dark clouds like pandemic, systemic racism, fires that have caused countless people to suffer. I don’t know what to do with that fact, except to acknowledge it, and pray and work for an end to those clouds.
I made a very short film — under three minutes. THE CHASE stars my niece and nephew, who have both grown much bigger now than when this was shot. I wanted to learn a particular editing program, but my computer wasn’t robust enough for the task, and then other work moved to the front burner, so took it a year before time and resources finally aligned… but I’m happy with the result:
The credits go by fast, so I’ll call attention to the fact that even on a three-minute film, it works better if you have a village. My friend Christine was behind the camera, while another friend, Caroline kept things moving doing an A.D. / producer duties. My mom handled craft service, Paul acted as consultant and “spackle.” And, of course, the whole enterprise was elevated by the great original music. I’m very lucky to be able to use my sibling card to draft Greg Gordon Smith to compose and perform.